I can’t say that I’m on top of blogging anymore. Getting rid of most of my social media has really allowed me to live life, and while I may be alienating people a bit, I’m also a lot happier. I’m keeping this blog because I hope to have something to say one of these days (not to mention that I have no clue how to deactivate the blog), but for now, expect some radio silence while I work on being happy, because I think I might be adjusting to a new “normal” which can only lead to good things. So, off to bake pies with sour cherries picked by hand, run a 5K, join a board of directors, make homemade ice cream, read 100 books, and explore my surroundings to the fullest! I hope to be back one of these days.
1. Five ways to win my heart
- Puppies! Seriously, I don’t think there is such a thing as an ugly puppy.
- Gardens– Mainly of the rose variety, but Jon and I love visiting gardens and appreciating all the hard work that goes into them.
- Geek Talk– Whether it be about the latest book or television show, I love working in libraries because there are so many individuals (but not so similar that you can’t pick up something new) into the same nerdy things.
- Enjoying the fruits of my labor– I love when people enjoy my baking.
- Sunday morning breakfast out of the house.
2. Something I feel strongly about
3. A book I love
I love many books but the best book I’ve read in recent times has been Fingersmith by Sarah Waters. Maybe I’ll do a post one day on Sarah Waters, because I think her writing is simply amazing.
4. Bullet my whole day
I guess I’ll bullet yesterday
- 7:00am–Wake up
- 11:00am–Arrive at work
- 9:00pm–Leave work
- 11:30pm-12:30am–Lay awake in fright because of scary storms
5. Things I want to say to an ex
I think this is irrelevant at this point in my life, especially since I’m hundreds of miles away from them (I think).
6. My views on mainstream music
I went through a period in my life where I was into music, but I just don’t care anymore. I’m not even sure I know what “mainstream” music is…
7. Five pet peeves
- When people tap you/snap at you, etc. to get your attention
- Leaving dirty dishes in the sink or right above the dishwasher, but not taking the extra miniscule effort to put them in the dishwasher
- One-uppers (people who have to either have a more miserable experience than you when you experience something bad, as if your miserable experience doesn’t matter, or the opposite, when people have a better experience than you when you’re happy). Unfortunately, I have a lot of these people in my life. Basically people who thrive on making sure they’re on top.
- The daily commute to work (although I realize that this COULD definitely be worse)
- F@cebook and all of the annoying status updates–which is why I deactivated my account (although I haven’t determined whether this is a temporary or a permanent thing).
8. What I ate today
Well, it is morning, so I’ve had cereal and a half cup of coffee (not the best breakfast). I intend to make something from this cookbook tonight (which I LOVE).
9. How important I think my education is
Well, it was imperative for me to be a certain professional rank at work, although it helped me much more for my first job than my current one (I used to work in academia and now I work for the public).
10. Put my music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play
- “Dig a Pony” by The Beatles
- “Brick” by Ben Folds Five
- “Sleep to Dream Her” by The Dave Matthews Band
- “Why You’d Want to Live Here” by Death Cab for Cutie
- “Cold Day in July” by The Dixie Chicks
- “Do You Want To” by Franz Ferdinand
- “If I Was the One” by Ruff Endz
- “Young Pilgrims” by The Shins
- “I’m Looking Through You” by the Wallflowers (cover of The Beatles)
- “Right Through You” by Alanis Morissette
11. My family
Well, it’s just J, me and two adorable dachshunds.
12. Five guys whom I find attractive
- J (husband)
- Colin Firth
- Richard III
- Severus Snape
- Rufus Sewell
13. My opinion about my body, and how comfortable I am in it
Some days I’m fine and some I’m not. I’m definitely carrying around a few extra pounds since I’ve married, and I just don’t know how to dress myself anymore because of it. Basically I need a stylist. My real opinion of my body is that I resent it and sometimes hate it, and not for my outward appearance, but for what’s literally inside and how it’s affected me since adolescence.
14. What I wore today
Well right now I’m in a shirt from college and pajama pants. I don’t plan on going anywhere today, so I don’t think the uniform will vary much.
15. My zodiac/horoscope and if I think it fits my personality
I’m an aries. On the outside and the way I display customer service, I do not have the typical aries traits. But my true home personality is pretty fiery and moody, so I’d say that it is a true reflection of myself. Basically I have to mask my aries traits in order to be a functioning member of society.
16. Something I always think “what if…” about
I always wonder what it would have been like making different decisions once I moved from home. What if I didn’t take a job right away, or what if my body magically worked the way its supposed to. I definitely think that experiencing emotionally/mentally/physically difficult times is character-building, but I kind of get the point now and my outlook on life is way more negative, to the point where I have to force myself to have positive visualizations.
17. Something I’m proud of
I’m proud that my husband still loves me despite all of my self-body-bashing, etc.. I’m proud to have made it through two operations (one a major operation) in seven months with a sense of humor.
18. A problem that I’ve had
My brain has been a sack of shit lately. I have no short-term memory whatsoever.
19. Five items I lust after
- An iPh0ne (fiscal responsibility sucks)
- The King’s Speech on Blu-r@y
- Clothes–I know I mentioned that I can’t dress myself, but I could always go clothes shopping
- Sewing lessons–I know this isn’t an item, but taking lessons costs money, and it would prompt me to spend a lot of money on supplies and fabric
- A pie carrier
20. My fears
I hate bugs, and of course losing my family, and finally never resolving my health issues.
21. What I hope my future will be like
I have a lot of hopes for the future, but I’m not sure they’ll ever come true, so I will just pray that my husband continues to succeed in life and that it takes us to good places (I can work almost anywhere, thankfully).
22. My academics
As and Bs. I wasn’t an over-achiever, but I didn’t get horrible grades either. I had a 3.6 something GPA in high school, college, and grad school.
23. Something I miss
- Friends–I unintentionally avoid people now more than ever, particularly people who aren’t just like Jon and I (almost all of the couples we know have children, and believe it or not, it makes a huge difference in general conversation). I miss the friends I had when I was single/dating my husband. They’re all either in Georgia, or have crossed to a place that I may never be privileged to. Luckily, we have one couple like us (for now) here in Colorado and I still email my best friend in Georgia almost daily.
- My old body– Before the operation scars.
- The local thai restaurant in Georgia.
25. Something I’m currently worrying about
26. Things I like and dislike about myself
- I’m organized
- I’m a hard worker
- Not being able to handle stress well
- Social awkwardness
27. A quote I try to live by
“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.” -Madeleine L’Engle
28. Somewhere I’d like to move or visit
I’d love to live in the Northwest USA. I’d love to re-visit England.
29. Five weird things I like
- Brussels Sprouts
- Dystopian Fiction (this is a long-time love… long before it became a fad)
- Pound Puppies
- Spontaneous dancing at work
- Having “ah-ha” history connection moments
30. One thing I’m excited for
I’m excited for dessert tonight.
Whenever I actually decide to tell people I know in person about this blog, or even if I comment on other blogs, and in general, get the blog in others hands, I may or may not remove this post. But, in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I’d like to share a few of the “voices of infertility” that resonate with me.
Unexplained infertility has made me a defective woman. I have sat in the REs office for countless hours trying not to cry. I have had more internal exams than fertile woman goes though in a lifetime; I do it all with the added burden of shame. — Cheryl
A life of envy.
I hate the mommy envy I feel everyday. I hate treating baby showers like they are filled with H1N1.”Are u crazy, I not going to her shower! I’ll cry at home in the privacy of my own home thank u very much!” 7 yrs, 2 failed IUI’s, next is IVF. — Tanya
No help for many years.
From 16 years old to 26, doctors told me the pain in my abdomen wasn’t real. I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis. It had gotten so bad over the years, it completely destroyed my ovaries. We’ve now adopted 2 children and are very happy. — Lara
I’m sorry, but no. You don’t understand.
I’m sorry that you miscarried, I truly am. But now you have children. I’m sorry you didn’t get pregnant the first month you tried. But you did the next month. Don’t tell me you understand unless you’re in the trenches with me. It hurts too much. — Sara
Adoption is not the Answer PETA.
I want to share with PETA that adopting doesn’t work for everyone. After 2 years struggling with infertitlity we were turned away by adoption agencies for being too young or not married long enough. Learn your facts on the issue! — Danielle (why, PETA??)
Fertile Family…Except Me.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for (almost) 4 years. His tests are all normal. I do have a mild case of endometriosis but other than that, am healthy. Our next step is IUI or just keep trying. It has been a long and frustrating 4 years. — Amy
Young and infertile.
The last thing we expected when we started TTC was that we would be infertile and still trying 3 years later. I’m stronger for it, but I’d give anything to take the pain away… No one realizes how much guilt and infertility go hand in hand. — Lindsay
Finally, I’d like to point out all of the infertility blogs that are busting myths this week. I’d encourage anybody who stops by this blog, particularly if you know somebody who is experiencing infertility or loss (which, by the way, 1 out of every 8 couples do, so you likely do know somebody–they just don’t talk about it) to visit this site and read these blogs. Some of these entries may be shocking and quite offensive for those who have never experienced something like this, but know that for most people blogging, this is their only outlet because they’re not telling people in their real lives what they’re experiencing. I think education is the key, especially in this day and age where social networking makes an infertile person feel even more ostracized and ashamed.
As somebody who works in the field of books, I do happen to read a lot. If you’re interested in what I’ve read so far this year, feel free to check out my reading page. One of my major goals over the next few years is to read all of the major children and young adult award winners (Caldecott, Newbery, and Printz awards). I’m working on the Caldecotts and Newberys now, since there aren’t too many Printz winners yet (and I’ve thankfully read most of those anyways).
I’m starting from the beginning with each, skipping those that I’ve already read, and will update when I complete each decade.
The Newberys have been rough thus far (at least the Caldecotts are short) and I’m going to have to take a break at the end of the 1920s to flesh out my current Richard III obsession, which I will write about at another time.
Reading these award winners has been a goal of mine since graduate school, so I’m happy to be working on it 5 years after graduation.
… when you call in to the court house and your juror number is not within the range that to report. It’s the little things…
I guess it’s going to take a while to get this blog live for the public. I’m still not sure whether or not I want to reveal my real name, especially if I want to link this to the old B.logger account. If I do decide to remain anonymous, I will need to edit over 5 years of posts. The same goes for my Good.Reads account as well.
Also, what should I talk about on this blog?
I read a LOT and blogging in the past has helped me retain a little bit of the content of the books. My profession deals with a lot of readers’ advisory, so it’s helpful for me to review books. Plus, there is a lot of interesting things going on in the book publishing world at the moment, particularly with digital books/access, etc. so it’s fun to debrief at the end of a work day.
I bake a lot as well. We garden. We travel. I have personal goals (especially with a big birthday coming up in 2012).
But, there are other things that I’m not quite ready to reveal to the world, so it’s going to take some time. Hopefully, by the time I’m ready to link to this new blog, I’ll have a few posts behind me, and will have personalized the layout.
I’m considering this therapy, because things are happening in my life that make me less than happy.